Teach Your Children

Last year we moved our third and final child to college and entered the new phase of life we call "free birding."

That September, my kids (24, 21 and 17 - currently living in Boulder, Boston and Spain) surprised me with an amazing birthday gift - an hour-long Zoom call that they had carefully planned - using the Culture of Belonging tools I've taught them - to "co-create" this next phase of our family "culture" together. What they called the "Verba diaspora era."

They opened with a warm-up prompt - "favorite mama memories from the past year" which induced some tears and much laughter. Then we moved on to create a "Collective Voice" for our family entering this next phase of life, a tool I use with clients all the time but had NEVER thought of applying to my own family life!

First we shared our wildest aspirations for diaspora family life - the experiences and relationships we hope to have together. For example - we agreed that we want to be there for each of us to support, build each other up and accept each other unconditionally. In-person experiences with all 5 of us (not as simple to schedule as it sounds) were a must.

Next we explored our greatest fears - the worst-case scenario if our family life disintigrates: family members not speaking to each other, long periods of time with no communication as a group, or one of us struggling alone and with no support.

And last we worked on our commitments - what will each of us do to make sure our aspirations come to be and our fears do not. We created a wonderful plan - that is now printed and hanging on all our far-flung walls, for how we will meet, communicate and deepen our adult relationships together as a family. And we agreed to do this again periodically to re-evaluate and evolve as we grow.

Our plan might be the most precious birthday gift I've ever received: to enter this phase of life with intentionality and love. Try it with your loved ones!